Are you trying to become an influencer on Instagram but are too nervous to talk to an online audience? Or maybe you have a message you want to share with the world but are afraid of how people might respond. These are definitely valid feelings, but at the same time, you shouldn’t let them keep you from showing up. This post will walk you through how to overcome the fear of showing up on Instagram.

 

 

I interviewed the perfect person for this topic. Eli is a therapist, but you may have heard of her as the Attachment Nerd. She’s gone through a lot of her own therapy since she inherited quite a bit of generational trauma. She’s done a ton of work to break hard family patterns and has a different perspective now as a mom of three. In 2022, she got an itch to start sharing her thoughts about what she’s learned over the years. So she decided to write a book and she knew if she was going to do that then she would need an audience. 

Eli has been on Instagram for about two years and has grown a ton. She’s new to the social media marketing world, so she came to realize that her level of growth is an outlier to the norm. She now has 592K Instagram followers–and counting. 

 

 

How to Know When You’re Ready to Share Your Message on Instagram

Eli had a lot of work to do to get to a place where she could feel like her voice had value. She equally believes that her voice does not hold more value than someone else’s. Sometimes people think in order for them to speak up they have to have something completely unique to say that is better than what everyone else out there is saying. That’s simply not true.

Everyone longs to hear from people and their authentic take on life. If you’ve struggled with the same thought of not having anything different to say than what’s already being talked about, switch your mindset and instead think you are adding your voice to the conversation. 

You may be thinking, “But what if someone misunderstands me?” And the answer is they will. That is part of the process and you are not in control of that. You will feel a large sense of freedom when you accept what you can and cannot control. Eli was able to come to this place through therapy.

 

How to Show Up on Instagram As Your Authentic Self

Something Eli has learned through her social media experience is that you have to show up as your authentic self. Eli loves to be silly, create characters, and dress up for her reels. She enjoys the process of creating the reel. If that’s not you, don’t show up that way. Think about what type of reels (and other content) truly represent you and who you are and move forward with that.

The most important thing here is to not try to be somebody else. You have to be you and part of being you is being in alignment with what makes you feel alive. So, make that reel or post that honors who you are. As you keep creating and posting content, you’ll get the hang of what type of brand you are and what your audience enjoys consuming.

As Eli reflected on her social media experience, she said it requires an ongoing acceptance that there’s no perfection to this. You’re trying things and doing what feels good and right. You will have lots of different reactions and experiences both within yourself and from your audience. 

The average person is hungry to feel authentically and freely themselves. When you can sense that in someone else, there’s something about them that’s very alluring. Eli believes that’s why her followers are drawn to her. She made a conscious choice about three months into doing her social media marketing that she was going to be vulnerable on the internet. 

She makes videos where you can see where she picked her latest zit, has no makeup on, and shows what she looks like in the wrong lighting. And she’s going to hold authority in her voice in that image just as much as she holds it when she’s all dolled up and dressed professionally. 

 

 

How to Promote Connection With Your Audience

Eli gathered some really cool research when she found that some of her most viral posts are the ones of her with her face showing a recently picked zit. This shows that people don’t care how she appears and how lovely she looks. They care about connection. Always, always look for the connection piece when creating content.

Asking yourself questions like, “How could this inspire someone? How could this be helpful to someone?” really helps center your content on connecting with your audience. You’ll know if your audience connected with your content if they liked and/or shared it. People react to posts when they feel a connection to them. 

Eli said she’s come to realize social media is set up in a way where we can show that we’ve connected with either the post or with each other. Along with the likes and shares, you can also look at the comments and see what people are saying about your posts. This will show you how it resonated with your audience. You can see what kind of conversations it sparked, the overall energy in the comments, etc. 

It’s important when you do hit the times where you’re feeling thwarted that you stay in the place where you trust yourself. Eli said she’s had to learn that she’s not creating content for the likes and shares because once she starts trying to do that she’s no longer showing up as her authentic self. She’s trying to be something for someone else as opposed to trusting her own process.

Eli and I both recommend showing up on Instagram with your identity already intact. Know who you are and what you want in this experience. When you show up this way you’re able to shape Instagram into what you need it to be for you. We’re not here to ask Instagram, “Who am I?” but rather proudly say, “This is who I am.”

 

Bonus: How to Use the Comments Section to Connect 

Eli actively replies to comments. She engages with people and does her best to answer the questions when people ask them. One way you could engage with your audience is if you have people commenting just saying thank you for sharing, you could respond by saying how you’re so happy they are here with you. This is a quick and easy way to promote connection. 

Also, pay attention to what people are saying they want more of. Maybe your followers are explicitly asking you to create content on a certain topic or there’s just a certain topic that got more reaction than other ones you’ve done. These are clues to help you know what type of content your audience is interested in and you can create more of them.

 

 

How to Overcome (the Fear of) Negative Comments

Whenever Eli gets any type of negativity on her content the first question she asks herself is, “Is this an insult or is this feedback?” Feedback sounds like something you did is problematic in a particular way, and offers the path to being less problematic. 

If there’s a whole chorus of people saying something particular about your post then it’s probably feedback. Eli encourages you to see all feedback as an opportunity to become more of who you want to be in the world, and hopefully, that’s someone who cares about other people. 

You can recognize insults in your comments as thoughts that have no path. They are just there to hurt you and cause you to feel down about yourself. What Eli likes to do with the insults she receives is to imagine the person who wrote it in a bubble. She wishes them well and tries to let them float away from her. 

They’re not giving her any opportunity to learn from them or teach them so it’s time for them to go. The whole world cannot be our audience. That’s impossible. There are 8 billion people and it would be weird if every single person on earth resonated with you, liked you, and was kind to you. You’ll find the ones who are not your people and that’s fine–you can just let them go.

You may feel like you need to double down on the negativity in the comments section and try to defend yourself, but sometimes those people do not need or deserve your energy. There are people who 100 percent want to be all in with you and that’s where you should focus your thoughts and energy. 

 

 

How to Overcome the Fear of Showing Up on Instagram

As a therapist, Eli has come to realize that we are all relational creatures. Our sense of self develops in the context of our relationships, and specifically our early attachment relationships. If you want to work through this more, you can check out Eli’s workbook, Securely Attached, HERE. The workbook will help you show up more confidently and authentically on social media (& in every area of your life). 

We are wired for belonging. If you have an audience who thinks you are smart, funny, loves what you have to say, etc. it won’t bother you as much if you visit someone else’s audience and them not be a fan of your opinions. It won’t matter as much to you because you already have a belonging with your own audience. 

Whenever you have those fears pop up that keep you from showing up on Instagram, remember that you’re not looking for Instagram to tell you who you are. You’re not looking for social media to be a place of belonging because you already have belonging with your people. You already know who you are and what you’re trying to do. 

Bonus Tip: If anyone ever tries to shame you for what you look like, do not give it any air. It’s incredibly sad that we live in a world where people care more about what you look like than what you have to say. Own your human body for the beautiful creation that it is and proudly share your thoughts with the world. And remember, the opposite of poor body image is not believing that you are beautiful, it is believing that your presence is more powerful and valuable than your appearance. 

 

 

How to Overcome the Fear of Showing Up on Instagram

I learned so much from Eli in this chat with her, and I hope you did too. Overall, we hope you learned how to overcome the fear of showing up on Instagram. There is space for you and there are people waiting to connect with you, listen to you, and love what you have to share. When you start your social media journey, come find us so we can cheer you on along the way! You can find Eli @attachmentnerd and myself @iammichellegifford. We can’t wait to connect with you!

P.S. If you want some extra help with setting up your Instagram strategy, you can join my Grow the Gram course HERE!