I recently got the chance to interview my great friend, Kirsten Tyrrel. We have been friends for a few years, and we love to talk business! I text her all the time about the situations and issues I face in my business. She is amazing at helping me to see the solutions that are available, and she is a master at building businesses that make money. To get the full beauty of our friendship and how much we love to talk about starting a business, you’ll need to listen to the podcast episode we recorded. I’ve done my best to hit the high points of our conversation for this blog post, though!
What Led Kirsten To Start Building a Business?
I asked Kirsten about how she started in business. I wanted to know what her dreams and goals were then, and how they have shifted over the years.
This was her reply:
I feel like this major evolution has happened in my life. Recently I’ve been able to see where I started and the paradigm shift in how I approach things in my businesses and in my life now. I feel this contentment settling into everything I’m doing now. I’m still having fun with it, but it’s not so crazy and frantic. There’s so many facets to that that I want to talk to you about and share with you.
In the beginning there’s this internal drive, this calling and desire to fulfill a purpose you just know in your heart that you are supposed to do. I heeded that call, and I got to work.
Why Material Goals only Get You So Far
My goal at first was very money oriented. It wasn’t a greed thing, but it was the only way I could mark success in my mind. We don’t create vision boards with hearts and rainbows on them, right? We use visual representations of the lifestyle we want to create; i.e., cars, big houses, financial stability, etc. But as I’ve gotten older and I have reached some of those milestones I had in my mind when I began my business journey, I’ve realized that we should be putting hearts and rainbows on our vision boards. The material things are just a byproduct of what I’ve worked hard to create.
In the bible, in Luke 12:27 it says,
“Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”
For the last 5 years I’ve been all about toiling and working, and trying to prove something. And along the way it got a little bit muddy. Parts of it were fun. Parts were incredibly awful. Hitting the financial goals I had originally wasn’t as rewarding as I thought it would be. Because I had been so busy working toward that goal and putting my head down and pushing through, I was missing out on so many other things.
Don’t Discount the Beauty of Starting
Now, I am starting over in a new way. I’m a serial starter. Just like Michelle. There’s magic in the starting. But this time, I no longer feel an urgency, or a time sensitive rush to accomplish my goals quickly. I’ve realized that things have always panned out the way they needed to. I’ve always been blessed far above what I think I deserved. Now I’m wondering why I put so much pressure on the experience of building a business. Why did I push it so hard? And why did I think I had to prove something all along? When all along, just being compelled and being inspired to do it should be evidence to you that you can and you should and you will.
Michelle here. I just have to say that I love this part of the conversation because I think it’s important to realize it’s ok to have those moments where you feel rushed to do things. When you start a new business you’re kind of like a kid in a candy store. There are so many things you want and so many things to try, that it’s hard to focus and narrow it down.
We want all the candy!
But then you get into it and you realize that you need to make it sustainable. I’ve been thinking recently why I’ve been so grateful for my business and it’s given me the opportunity to learn how God speaks to me. He uses my business to impact other people and meet other people. That’s how Kirsten and I met and became friends.
There are people that I would have never met, experiences that I would have never had without my business. There are times when I’ve felt, especially over the past year, that I felt like I needed to prove something. When I’m in that zone I think there are things you need to work through and lessons you need to learn. And lately I’ve been feeling a lot of peace, and that’s when I feel God enter in and tell me, “Ok, now you’re ready to move forward” And it’s been a really interesting thing to take note of now that I’m aware of it.
Coming out on the other side of feeling that frantic push to prove something to myself, I know again, that my purpose here is to impact people. It’s easy to get caught up in the things going on in the world and get distracted. But the more I let myself feel peace and turn things over to God, and say, “you’ve always taken care of this part”, then the impact totally comes.
There is So Much to Look Forward To
Kirsten and I agree on this point. She says,
I wish we could teach people how to shortcut the self doubt part. There’s so much to be learned from that stage, but there is also a lot to look forward to. Putting aside the financial goals that you are working toward, And there’s a really beautiful bliss that comes from the contentment and the wisdom in knowing that you are exactly where you need to be. When you slow down and sit in the silence, that’s where you hear God guide you.
Yes, there’s urgency that pushes us. But it’s different from the frazzled stress and the urgency to push and prove yourself. I wish that I had heard these kinds of conversations earlier on in my journey of starting a business. We believe in vision boards and goals. But more than that we believe in a more purpose centered approach. It’s like coming home. You’ll know it when it’s there.
Business and Bicycles
Michelle here. I‘ve been thinking about starting a business lately. We talk a lot about the balance thing with business, motherhood, marriage. And i thought what is keeping us on the bike? If pedaling is kids, sitting is the business, and steering is marriage, What is left out? God. God is the one that makes sure we don’t tip over. He can tell us when we are steering too far one way or the other. That is where we get that peace and contentment. Your kids do not need to have your full attention all day long. You can go in the gutter real quick if all you focus on is them.
The act of always turning back to God, and checking if I’m hearing or not hearing, keeps me in check and balanced.
Are you ready?
There’s plenty of people who don’t care to progress. They’re just kind of holding time and space, and then there’s other people who feel a push and a pull to create and do something else with their lives. That is the opportunity where you can open that door and open the window of heaven and let them speak to you. Because you’re ready.
And I was talking to my husband about this the other day, and saying that I wish that I could have a near death experience and see these amazing visions that I read about. And I realized that I might not have experienced those kinds of visions, but I’m always given the things I need to learn when I’m ready to receive them. If you had given me all of this information 5 years ago when I started, I couldn’t have even begun to sift through it.
It’s been line upon line and learning to recognize the good and the bad and how it affects me. When you can differentiate the voices in your head it makes it so much easier to stay the course and listen to God. He would never tell me that I’m only capable of so much, or that I can’t do something. He only shows me my potential. I think that paying attention to what’s going on in our head and the things that we are taking in, is kind of a big deal and it’s not easy to be vigilant. We need to talk back to those voices in our heads and say, “No that’s not ok.”
Lessons from Harry Potter
Michelle here- I had to jump in and share what I’m learning from reading Harry Potter with my older boys. I’ve tried to read it before, but just couldn’t get into it. Now I love it. We are at the part in the 4th book where the kids are learning how to fight against a curse that will control their actions. And I loved how Harry was like, “No. I’m not doing that.” Sometimes we just need to fight against the voices that are trying to control us.
Kirsten replied to my story and totally agreed with me. She said,
It’s so true. You can’t just constantly be on the defensive. You have to be on the offense as well. We have to take that power back. I think so many times we talk about empowerment and we picture it as this big, grunting, tough action. But it’s also a quiet determination that just says, “No. I’m not doing that.”
There are so many things you are good at and so many things you are allowed to be good at. You should be a well rounded and blessed human being. The more you can tune in to that voice and ask yourself questions like, “Is this what I should be doing? How can I show up and serve people?” Ask those questions of yourself and you’ll be surprised what the answers are.
I look at the times that I was making the most money and I was not happy. I felt such pressure to be worthy of that income. Now, I look at things in a totally different way. I’m focusing more on how I can serve and how it can fit into my life. I don’t feel like I have to do all the things really quickly.
If You Only Have 3 Hours a Week
If you can only give 3 hours a week to starting a business, what does that really look like? How can you make that work? How can you make those 3 hours the best 3 hours of the week? So you can devote yourself fully to your business during those 3 hours and devote yourself fully to the rest of your life during the remaining hours each week.
One of the things I tend to get hung up on is trying to do things “the right way”. Of course there are best practices for building a business. But, there’s also a million different ways to build a business. We spend too much time looking at other people and trying to figure out how they’re making money, instead of thinking about what we can bring to the table.
I don’t look at Michelle and say, “You’re doing it wrong”. I know you’re living in your purpose and doing what you’re called to do. You love it. You’re home in the way you’re building your business.
I’m a master mimicker. I can do any voice and be anyone else, I’m such a master that I find myself trying to be other people all the time. At the end of the day, though, none of that really matters. You have to decide what you want to do and how you can make that work for you in your life and business.
Your Business Will Look Different
Michelle one last time. I had a few last thoughts to share.
We all have these people in our minds that we think, “I want their business.” when the truth is, you might not. You might hate it. Your business is going to look different. Sometimes you have to try it all out to realize what you love and hate. You can decide how you want to build your business and the steps you’ll follow in starting a business. We’ve been given a lot of different options and sometimes that’s the best.
Kirsten is one of my greatest blessings in my business. We want to have these conversations more often. Next month I’ll be on Kirsten’s podcast. Kirsten’s podcast is Marvelous with Kirsten Tyrrel. It’s been around for 4 years. I love having conversations like this. Conversations that just go to the heart space and mind space and all things building businesses and lives. I hope you’ve enjoyed this little peek into our lives beyond our businesses. I think these are the conversations we need to be having more of. Find Kirsten Tyrrel on facebook in her group, Business Haven.
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